When the Moon Howled
by Spunky0ne
Summary: After a misunderstanding, Renji is reported killed in action and Byakuya is left guilt-ridden that his actions may have led to Renji's death. When a red-haired hollow begins to stalk him afterwards, is it regret or is Renji seeking revenge. And what of the child they made together?...yaoi, mpreg Renji/Byakuya, Rikichi/Tetsuya (**From Ch3 on is all new material!**)
1. It Wasn't Supposed to End Like This

**When The Moon Howled**

**By Spunky0ne**

**Chapter 1: It Wasn't Supposed To End Like This**

XXXXXXXXXX

_Oh my god, this can't be happening..._

_I can't be..._

_After what I said to him...the way I left things._

_I can't..._

_Please don't let me..._

_I can't leave things like this!_

_I won't!_

_Taicho, __I won't leave you!_

_I..._

XXXXXXXXXX

"Byakuya-sama," Torio said quietly, bringing the noble out of a sound sleep.

"What is it?" Byakuya said, an odd ache rising up in his stomach.

He tried not to think about the dream he had been having...or about the argument that had preceded Renji's sudden departure from the division.

XXXXXXXXXX

_"Look, I understand what you're saying," Renji said, looking into the noble's dark eyes, "What happened between us was really, really wonderful. And I am flattered that you would go to such lengths to make a place for me in your life. But...you and me? We live in two different worlds. Come on, you know that!"_

_"Hisana and I came from two different worlds too," Byakuya said, frowning, "But when two people love each other, those boundaries fall away, and the two are able to become one. What is wrong with that?"_

_Renji let out an aggravated breath._

_"But...you're making it sound like I agreed to marry you," he objected, "This is moving way too fast for me! I do really like being with you. I like working with you. And making love to you was amazing. But I didn't think you were expecting I would drop everything and move in with you. I happen to like where I live. I'm near my friends. I set my own hours. I just...I like my freedom. After spending all of those years fighting to survive in Inuzuri, I like having my life the way I want it."_

_Renji felt a jolt of regret at the pain that flashed in Byakuya's eyes, then disappeared._

_"I see," said the noble, looking blankly down at the papers on his desk, "And...it seems that there is no place for me in your life."_

_"I didn't say that!" Renji insisted, shaking his head, "I just mean that...why can't we just see each other here? We're here together pretty much every day, right? I spend some nights here. We could spend those nights together...see where things lead. You may decide that you made a mistake going to bed with me."_

_"Is that what you think I did?" asked Byakuya, still looking down at his desk, "That I just...slept with you?"_

_Renji paused and let out a long breath._

_"I don't think we were thinking that much," he said, a moment later, "I think we were caught up in the afterglow of catching Aizen...and we...just did this crazy, beautiful, unexpected thing."_

_Byakuya swallowed hard and blinked to clear his eyes._

_"Renji, let me assure you, that I knew exactly what I was doing. I didn't just fall into bed with you. I had been trying to find a way to approach you for a very long time. I just didn't know how. At first, I just...tried to include you in more things, both in and out of work hours. I spent a lot of time thinking about how it could work, about how we could be together, and both of us could be content. I am not saying that we wouldn't have to make some sacrifices. But...people who love..."_

_Renji bit his lip gently and closed his eyes as realization spread across the noble's face and pain flashed in his eyes again._

_"Oh," he said breathlessly, unbidden tears rising in his eyes, "You are trying to tell me...that you don't..."_

_Renji gave him a helpless look._

_"I told you. I like being with you. You are beautiful...and no one has ever made me feel that good in bed before. I'm not saying it isn't love. I'm saying I don't know. Am I really supposed to know when we've just been to bed once like that?"_

_"I don't know," Byakuya whispered, his voice trembling, "It was my understanding that love was the only reason one would give himself to another sexually. It seems that you and I have different definitions of love. But...that being said, I think that we can conclude that what happened was a misunderstanding. My apologies. I will not trouble you anymore."_

_He rose quietly and started towards the door, then stopped as Renji's hand touched his shoulder._

_"Abarai fukutaicho," he said in a dead calm voice, "You are dismissed."_

_"But..."_

_"Remove your hand...now."_

_"Byakuya..."_

_"You heard me. Go home, Renji. Just forget what happened. It was a mistake. I thought that what happened, took place because we had fallen in love...but apparently, it happened because I lowered my guard at the wrong time. I assure you, it won't happen again. Now, leave."_

_"I will," Renji answered, "but not before I tell you..."_

_He broke off as Byakuya's flash step sounded and the noble disappeared._

_"Damn it," he muttered, shaking his head, "Good going, Abarai. You watch him for years, figure out everything about him...but you don't fucking understand him at all!"_

_He walked back to his desk and dropped into his chair, sighing in frustration. He thought back to the night they had spent together._

_"He was unbelievable..." Renji mused, "And I felt something unlike anything I've felt before. Why did get so scared? Why couldn't I tell him that I love him? Because I feel like I do. I just...got scared. Why did I get scared like that? He said he loved me...not that he will now, after what I just did. God, I'm a fucking idiot."_

_His eyes dropped and caught sight of a new mission roster._

_"Yeah..." he said in a shaky voice, "Maybe a little time apart will be good...give us time to work things through in our heads. Or at least let us calm down and get rational again, right?"_

_He stared at the mission roster, then added his name and quietly placed it in his outbox. He sat at his desk for several minutes afterward, his mind replaying their joining, the surprise and genuine affection in those dark eyes, the honesty and intensity in the way Byakuya had touched him. He had sensed right away that the noble wasn't one who engaged in casual sex. And although Byakuya hadn't admitted it, he was sure now that he had only ever lain down with Hisana. Being more worldly than Byakuya, and because of his background, Renji had indulged in casual sex for the purpose of comfort on occasion...both with women and with men. He had always told himself it was okay as long as both parties understood its casual nature and no one got hurt._

_"Well someone got hurt this time," he muttered, shaking his head._

_Byakuya hadn't meant to mislead him, hadn't been unclear in his words and touches. But when Byakuya had touched him, the beauty of it, the intensity of it, the dangerously deep honesty of it had scared the living daylights out of him. Byakuya was a powerful man, who lived a very regimented life. And had he just moved in with the man, he was sure that the freedom in his existence would disappear. It reminded him of when he had been forced to have sex for money to keep Rukia and himself alive, and the man whom he had worked for had locked him up for months before he had escaped. It was the one secret he had ever kept from his very best friend...and the one terror that had never left him._

_"But Byakuya isn't like that," Renji whispered, "He would never...so why did I react like that? Do I really fear guys with money and power? Do I really fear anyone who could cage me like that again? I thought I had grown strong enough not to need that fear anymore...and now, it's ruined the best thing that ever happened to me."_

_He let out a shuddering sigh._

_"I wonder if he would understand if I told him why," Renji whispered, "But...it's over. You don't fuck Kuchiki Byakuya, dump him and figure he'll let you back into his head or bed again. Once that door closes, it's all over. I'm sorry, Taicho. If I could..."_

_He made himself stop, forced himself to his feet, then walked slowly to his quarters to change and pack for his mission._

_Having left the division, Byakuya moved in blazing flash steps, hardly breathing and not daring to think as he closed the distance to Kuchiki Manor, passed through the entry and kept running. He crossed the lovely, fragrant gardens, flash stepped over the back gate and bolted down the forest path to the only place that could give him the peace of mind he sought. He slowed as he reached the sakura grove at the top of a large waterfall that fell down into a huge, blue lake in the meadow below him. He dropped to his knees, his shortened breaths hissing in the cold, and tried to force his mind away from what had happened._

_"He doesn't love me," he told himself...aloud so that it might be more likely to seem real, "He slept with me because I offered myself and he desired momentary pleasure. He never promised me anything, and I never asked him to."_

_It was as though some part of him had sensed that Renji wasn't feeling the same thing he was, but he had just wanted so badly for the two of them to be together. He had acted without thought, and had paid for it with his heart. He hadn't thought his heart was so vulnerable, but being with Abarai Renji had shaken him._

_"But I can make myself forget," he whispered, "It will be awkward for a time, but then, Renji is to promote soon. And after that, he'll probably avoid me. Except that we'll both be taichos..."_

_He left off thinking and knelt beneath a sakura tree near the edge of the cliff. He let his heart ache and bleed inside him, but held on to his dignity enough to not shed tears. He wasn't going to cry for Renji. His pride would not allow it. But holding the tears inside made him feel horridly cold, so cold it made him shiver. So cold that it startled him when a warm cloak dropped onto his shoulders and his cousin's warm body settled down beside him._

_"Tetsuya," he said, hating the pain that escaped into his words._

_His cousin's large, blue eyes met his bracingly and his hand sought Byakuya's supportively._

_"I am sorry, Byakuya," Tetsuya said softly, "I know what hopes you had about him. And in my heart, I did long for you to know happiness again. And perhaps this is not over. Perhaps..."_

_Unable to listen to the words, Byakuya turned and claimed his cousin's mouth roughly. Tetsuya's dark blue eyes registered surprise at first, but then calm understanding. He let himself fall onto his back and did not resist as his body was bared and swiftly taken. He wanted to cry at the pain and desperation in Byakuya's needy, open-mouthed kisses, in the hands that roamed his body relentlessly, and the achingly heavy thrusting into Tetsuya's naked depths. He tried to remain silent as Byakuya penetrated him deeply, finding a place inside his gentle cousin that no one had ever touched, and striking it repeatedly as Tetsuya's hands tightened on him, but pleasure erupted and swept over him in a heady, crimson wave, and Tetsuya gave in to it, gasping out Byakuya's name as Byakuya's seething essence suddenly filled him inside, shocking his untried body into climax. The younger noble's hot release splashed onto their bared flesh, and Tetsuya watched in stunned silence as his older cousin collapsed onto him, then returned to Tetsuya's warm mouth to share a soft swell of finishing kisses._

_Tetsuya went quiet and still as Byakuya rested his head wearily on the younger man's shoulder, and left himself entrenched in Tetsuya's body as he drifted off into a troubled slumber. Tetsuya simply held his distraught cousin close, pulling his cloak over the two of them and looking calmly up into the emerging stars. He had no illusions about what they'd done, nor any regrets. Byakuya had given him everything that was good in his life...and whatever he asked for, Tetsuya would give, without hesitation. It wasn't romantic love, but complete and utter devotion._

_Tetsuya sighed softly, catching a tear that escaped his sleeping cousin's eye and letting the moisture sink into his pale flesh._

_"Do not despair, cousin," he whispered, "Love will find you again."_

XXXXXXXXXX

"Word has come from Hueco Mundo," said Torio, his voice shattering the memory, "The sixth division team sent to clear Las Noches was overrun."

"What?" Byakuya said, surging to his feet and hastily beginning to dress.

"Third seat, Rikichi sent the message from the recovery point. They were still in retreat, so the message was brief, but it was clear about one thing. Abarai Renji fell in the battle."

Byakuya's breath froze in his chest.

"They don't know for certain, Byakuya-sama, but his reiatsu has completely disappeared."

Byakuya didn't trust his voice to speak, but simply finished dressing and flash stepped out of his room. He ran to where Tetsuya waited astride Arashi and flew onto the tall stallion's back. He settled behind his cousin as Tetsuya's heels touched Arashi's sides and the black stallion charged into the senkaimon that opened for them. They raced through the precipice world, then into the living world, where Arashi came down in an empty park and spun towards Urahara's shop. The two men dismounted as they reached it and walked back to the secret entrance to the former taicho's hidden training grounds. They greeted Urahara and exchanged a few perfunctory words before reclaiming their places astride Arashi and dashing through the garganta Kisuke opened. Arashi flash stepped along the bright reiatsu trail his master provided, then emerged onto the cold, desert sands and ran towards Las Noches. They stopped short of the fortress, in a cluster of rocks, where the remains of their unit had entrenched themselves to address their comrades' injuries.

Byakuya slid down off of Arashi's back and flash stepped to Rikichi, who was in the midst of being bandaged but their attending healer, Hanataro. He looked up with devastated eyes that haunted Byakuya as the youth shivered and gave his report.

"It was a very well-laid trap," he said in a shaky voice, "We didn't realize how fast the hollows would act to replace their monarchy. But from what we can tell, a member of the old hollow royal family emerged to claim the throne. It was kept very quiet, because they didn't want us to know. We were careful going in, but...Kuchiki taicho, they had prepared for our arrival and except for Renji...except for Abarai fukutaicho's quick action, we would all have been captured."

"What happened to Renji?" Byakuya asked, steeling himself.

Rikichi met his gaze with devastated eyes.

"We...don't know what they did to him. We still sensed him for a short time after, but then...all at once, his reiatsu suddenly disappeared. They may have masked it or..."

"Or they may have executed him," Byakuya finished.

He left Rikichi's side and walked to the edge of the cluster of rocks, looking out at Las Noches as Tetsuya stood quietly at his side, following the path of his eyes.

"Are we going to go after him?" Tetsuya asked softly.

Byakuya was quiet for a moment.

"Stay here, Cousin. I will have a look at things and be back shortly."

Tetsuya's lips tightened rebelliously, but he nodded briefly and held himself still until Byakuya was out of sight. Then he slipped out of the hidden camp and followed with silent steps, watching carefully as he moved closer to the fortress. He concealed himself behind a sand dune and watched as Byakuya searched the area where the battle had taken place. The sand in the area was scorched and still smelled of smoke. Tetsuya moved forward, brushing the soot from his leg, then tripped over something lodged in the sand and gasped in surprise. A hissing flash step sounded, and Byakuya brought him down in the sand as a light passed over where he had been. Byakuya waited until the light had passed, then released his cousin and watched questioningly as Tetsuya moved forward and took hold of something that had been partially buried in the sand. The younger noble flinched as the sharp edge cut into his hand, but held onto the item and returned to his waiting cousin. Byakuya took the metal bit from Tetsuya and turned it over, holding it where the moonlight could shine on it.

Both men froze, recognizing the bit of metal as a familiar metal fang.

"Zabimaru," Byakuya whispered.

There was a long moment of silence between the cousins, then a wave of shock as the bit of Zabimaru glinted oddly and slowly disappeared.

"Oh my god..." whispered Byakuya, body and mind going numb with realization, "_Renji..._"

Tears rose in Tetsuya's eyes as he studied Byakuya's fiercely controlled countenance. He felt the rage of pain that had opened up beneath the calm surface and felt frozen in place...uncertain what to do next. He wasn't sure how, in the end, he made himself move again, but he slipped a hand into Byakuya's and touched his face lightly, then coaxed him into walking long enough to return to the hidden camp.

"Did you find..." Rikichi began, then stopped, witnessing their shocked expressions.

Rikichi's eyes widened and his hands clenched.

"Renji?" he said in a quivering voice.

"His reiatsu has faded," said Byakuya in a low voice, "as has his Zanpakuto. Renji is..."

He stopped, his stomach clenching inside him, but then forced the words out.

"Renji was killed."

Byakuya watched in stoic silence as Rikichi collapsed in the sand and dissolved into tears.

_I wish I could cry for you too, _the noble thought, watching as Tetsuya knelt and pulled Rikichi close, _But I have no right to mourn you that way. You were not my friend, nor my lover. We were a mistake, Renji. And because of that mistake, you took the steps that led you to your death. I am sorry. I cannot take it back. Just know...that no matter how many years pass and how far I move from this place..._

_I will never forgive myself._

_Never,_

_Renji..._

He remained still and quiet, staring back at the scorched sand in the distance as the disheartened troops broke camp and prepared to leave. Tetsuya helped Rikichi to his feet, then coaxed him onto Arashi's back and turned towards the garganta that Byakuya opened for their return to Urahara's shop. One by one, the silent squad members stepped into the dark underground cavern. Tetsuya glanced back to make sure that Byakuya followed, then wrapped an arm around the distraught youth in front of him and nudged Arashi forward. Byakuya waited until all of the others had gone, then looked back one last time, his heart aching unbearably. He forced himself to turn and walk away, but felt, as he did, the large part of him that remained lost in that cold, dark desert behind him.

He didn't see the glowing eyes that watched him as he stepped into the garganta and closed it behind him.

The hollow slid noiselessly out of the shadows, his head aching furiously as he tried to remember how he knew the man he had seen.

He knew that man, he was sure of it...

He had been someone important.

Before...

The hollow suddenly screamed in pain and dropped onto the sand, clutching his head.

_Who is that man?_

_What did he do to me?_

He remained on the sand, writhing fitfully as calm, quiet footsteps approached him. He could barely see through his aching golden eyes as the hollow king approached him and stood, gazing quietly down at him.

"You have unresolved feelings for that man?" he asked, looking in the direction that the sixth division taicho had gone.

"Go then," he ordered the hollow, "Seek him out and make him pay for the pain he caused you. Kill him, then return to me."

He watched as the hollow stood and looked in the direction that the shinigamis had gone.

"You are conflicted?" the king asked softly.

"I...don't know," the hollow said, wrapping his arms around his aching midsection, "I am confused."

The hollow king smiled and slipped a hand into his.

"Come, then," he said gently, "Let me comfort you for a time. You should rest before you go after him. You will need all of your strength to kill him."

The hollow's golden eyes looked back at the king, flickering with indecision. The king moved closer, slipping his arms around the hollow and looking into his eyes.

"Do you trust me?" he asked, touching the ghostly, white face gently.

The large, golden eyes blinked.

"I..."

"You are newly made over," said the king, "You are still in shock."

He traced his fingers over one of the lovely, black tattoos that decorated his pale skin. His hand cupped the new hollow's cheek and he offered the creature a tentative kiss. The hollow started to step back, but the king's hand wrapped around his wrist, and the odd, red-golden eyes ensnared him. He said nothing more as the king led him back into the fortress and to his bedroom.

He stood quietly in front of the hollow and studied him closely, before touching his chest and watching him fall onto the bed.

"I know you have questions," he said, peeling back the yukata the hollow wore, "And I will answer your questions. But what you need to know and fully understand is that you belong to this world now. You belong to me. I made you out of the wreckage of that shinigami. I saved your life by holding you back from death. You are only one step from being a full hollow. To finish your transformation, you must complete your first kill and draining. And the person you will kill, is that shinigami who hurt you."

He read the shiver of doubt in the hollow and smiled at him.

"But enough unpleasantness. You need comfort now. Let me offer you that comfort, and then you may be on your way."

He laid down on top of the lovely, tattooed hollow, admiring the long, red and white streaked lengths of his hair, the sharply contrasting markings and dangerous claws and teeth. He smiled more widely and let his fingers play over the mask that covered the left half of his face, then sank into the hollow's hot, red mouth, sending his reiatsu into the hollow's body and slowly stabilizing it. He prepared the creature swiftly and entered him roughly, then looked down into the still unclear eyes and began thrusting.

"Remember this," he breathed against the new hollow's lips, "Remember your master."

The hollow moaned fitfully and closed his eyes as the king's powerful member penetrated him and the cold hands of the hollow monarch explored him. Dark reiatsu flared around the two and the hollow beneath the king cried out as it seemed to burn at his skin. The king pushed farther into him and held his body tightly against the other as his body gave in to the pleasure. He wrapped his hand around the other hollow's length and slowly brought his body to climax, then pressed his lips to the creature's earlobe as he released, and repeated what he had said before.

"Remember your master...remember your master..."

Strangely, when he closed his eyes, all the new hollow could see was the beautiful shinigami he had been watching before...


	2. Shadows

**Chapter 2: Shadows**

"Are you going to be all right?" Tetsuya asked Rikichi as he helped the youth down from Arashi's back, "I know that you and Abarai-san were close."

Rikichi sniffed softly and nodded, wiping his tears away with the back of one hand.

"Renji taught me everything I know. The only reason I ever got strong enough to get out of the Rukongai and become a shinigami, was because of him."

He took a shuddering breath.

"But I learned a long time ago. There are no guarantees. And even really strong people sometimes aren't strong enough. Sometimes they die. And Renji died for a good reason. He saved all of us. I'll never forget that."

"No," agreed Tetsuya, "I am sure you won't. You are a very devoted friend. Abarai-san was lucky to have you."

"Th-thanks," Rikichi said gratefully, "Though...with all of the trouble I gave him while he was training me...he may not have thought so."

Tetsuya offered him a sad smile.

"I think, perhaps that Abarai-san probably found those times oddly endearing," he observed, "I gave my cousin a rather difficult time as he trained me, but he said as much. It is often perspective that lends levity to such situations."

Tetsuya paused for a moment, wincing as an odd pain with through his midsection and a momentary feeling of dizziness and nausea passed over him.

"Are you all right, sir?" Rikichi asked, frowning.

"Oh, fine," Tetsuya answered, looking slightly embarrassed, "It was nothing."

"Are you sure? You went kind of pale for a moment."

"It's likely simply stress," Tetsuya said, brushing the matter off.

He placed a hand on Rikichi's shoulder and looked into his troubled, brown eyes.

"Feel confident, Rikichi-san. I know that Abarai-san must have seen something special in you. That he put such effort into training you, speaks for itself."

Rikichi nodded and wiped his wet eyes.

"Thank you..."

"Tetsuya," supplied the noble.

"Tetsuya-san," said Rikichi, clasping his hand for a moment, then letting go, "I appreciate your kindness."

Tetsuya watched quietly as Rikichi turned and followed the rest of the sixth division unit out of the training room. When the fighters were gone, he turned back to where Byakuya sat with his arms folded around an inconsolable Rukia. It was an odd sight, to be certain, but considering Rukia's long friendship with Renji and Byakuya's more recent closeness with him, it made sense that they would be forced to lean on one another.

"I know I shouldn't cry," Rukia sobbed, heartbrokenly, "but Renji was the only one of our friends who survived Inuzuri. To think that he made it through all of that...and through Aizen trying to kill us...R-renji..."

Byakuya offered no comment in support or rebuke, but quietly held his crying sister, his saddened eyes staring distantly ahead of him. After a time, she calmed and was led away by Orihime, and Byakuya was left alone in Urahara's training room with Tetsuya and Arashi.

The younger noble watched his cousin silently for a time, then touched his arm and met his eyes questioningly. Byakuya said nothing in return, but rose and climbed onto Arashi's back. Tetsuya climbed up in front of him and opened a family senkaimon. They passed through the precipice world in silence and emerged into the gardens at Kuchiki Manor.

Tetsuya slid down and steadied his cousin as he dismounted. He followed Byakuya into his bedroom, gently waving Torio off and attending Byakuya himself...removing his uniform and dressing him in a comfortable yukata. He followed the noble out of the dressing area and went to make tea as Byakuya laid down in his bed. Tetsuya returned a short time later and set the tea on Byakuya's nightstand, then met his cousin's eyes for a moment and sat down on the bed next to him. Byakuya sipped at his tea without tasting it, then set it on the nightstand and looked quietly out into the gardens.

"I owe you an apology, Tetsuya," he said softly, "What happened at the waterfall...I don't know why I reacted that way. It was wrong."

Tetsuya shook his head gently.

"Do not torment yourself," he answered, locking his eyes on his cousin's, "You were shocked by what happened between Abarai-san and yourself. You sought an outlet...and I was more than content to comfort you."

Byakuya reached up and touched his cousin's face lightly, looking into Tetsuya's wide, blue eyes with apology.

"But...I, of all people, knew of your innocence. It wasn't right for me to claim it. As deep as my affection is for you, it is not that kind of love that should result in lovemaking. And what happened barely falls under that definition. It wasn't fair to you."

"Byakuya," Tetsuya said calmly, "If not for your intervention, I would not be living and breathing...and even if I was, I would be breathing dank, stagnant air and looking out through metal bars into eyes that despised me. And had you not taken me from that place, my innocence would have been lost to someone bent on hurting me. That you were the one to touch me first that way is only right. I gave that part of myself freely and willingly to you. It needn't ever happen again, and you need not feel an obligation. Only let the memory be a pleasant reminder of the strong connection between us. I am content with that...and I would not have you agonize over it any longer."

Byakuya's fingers gently stroked Tetsuya's cheek, and his lips managed a small smile. He leaned forward and touched his lips lightly to his cousin's, then leaned back against the pillows.

"I am honored," he whispered, "Tetsuya...will you stay with me tonight? I don't mean to take advantage. Perhaps, we can simply hold each other for comfort through the night."

Tetsuya looked steadily into Byakuya's dark, tormented eyes and nodded. He left the room briefly, then returned dressed in his night clothes. He slid into his cousin's bed and smiled as Byakuya's arms wrapped around him and his head dropped onto the clan leader's shoulder. The two exchanged a gentle, chaste kiss, then relaxed in each other's arms and gazed out the open garden doors until both had dropped off to sleep.

XXXXXXXXXX

The hollow's golden eyes watched closely as the two shinigamis rode into the precipice world on the tall, black stallion he had seen near the fortress before. He was careful to suppress his spiritual pressure so that he would not be sensed as he followed at a distance. The men were silent now...and the silence carried with it a dread weight that the hollow could sense. The beautiful one, the one chosen as his quarry, was afflicted with some deep agony. It was an emotion so palpable that it made the dark creature touch his fingertips to the hole in his chest, to touch that place where his own heart had been before to make certain that the pain was not his own.

He tried again to remember 'before,' but was only able to catch flash images and fleeting sensations...nagging hunger, cold, fear...but then a turning of his life towards one purpose, one goal, one person. And the face of that person was the lovely shinigami he had been assigned to kill. The man, it seemed, had played a large role in the direction of his former life.

And he sensed that the man had some connection to the ending of it...of him. His eyes glowed malevolently at the thought. If the man had killed him, or was somehow responsible for him dying, then he might kill him without regret.

If only he could remember...

But somehow, the emptying out of his heart had left him unable to connect with what had been. There were still emotions, light and dark, that radiated through him, and being close to the beautiful shinigami intensified those feelings. The weight of what the man made him feel was profound. It made sense to him then, why the hollow king had ordered him to kill the man. Doing so would finish his transformation, and would quiet the storm of emotions his presence stimulated.

But the hollow wondered if even that would give him any peace. Still, there was nothing else he could do. So he remained in the shadows and followed the two shinigamis out of the precipice world and into a fragrant and colorful garden.

The men walked together into one of the bedrooms along the garden walkway, then a few minutes later, one of them left and walked into another room. The hollow edged closer to the room where he knew the beautiful one was, concealing himself in the bushes and watching as the man laid still and staring straight ahead. A few minutes later, the second man returned and crawled into his target's bed. The two shared two gentle kisses, then relaxed in each other's arms and drifted off to sleep.

When he was sure that the two slept, he slipped out of the bushes and moved silently to the door. He listened intently, and hearing and seeing nothing, passed through the open garden doors and into the room. He was careful not to wake the two sleeping men. He wanted to be sure of taking his target when he was alone, to be certain that he was the first life taken and that there would be time to drain him slowly. He stood in the darkness, near the bed, looking down at the porcelain features of the man he had been sent to kill. His hand drifted back to the hole in his chest and he felt a soft jolt of pain pass through him.

_"You have unresolved feelings for that man?"_

The hollow king's words echoed in his mind, then a hazy memory formed.

_"You look surprised," the lovely man said, his slender fingers caressing his face lightly, "I have been aware of you this way for some time...since just after our battle, when you came to the healing center and stayed there with me while I healed from my injuries. And since then, you have continued to act with loyalty and respect, that seemed to always be our way of showing affection. This is just another expression of what has been between us, is it not?"_

The hand touching his chest clenched, and the black tips of his claws left red lines on his skin. He glared down at the shinigami, his emotions turning and strengthening. His clawed hand left his chest and reached out for the sleeping shinigami, and was nearly touching him, when the hollow remembered his plan to take the man alone and forcibly stopped himself. He stood, staring and feeling an insatiable hunger inside.

Then, suddenly, the man's eyes opened, blinked and slowly worked to fix on him.

"R-renji?" the shinigami whispered, sitting up and waking the man who was with him.

The hollow's sonido engaged, and he was out the garden doors and fleeing in an instant, leaving the two men staring after him.

XXXXXXXXXX

Byakuya felt the cold, dread gaze that had come to rest on him and his eyes opened. For one frozen moment, he gazed up at the half-turned face of the man standing over him and felt a shock of recognition. The profile, hair and black markings were all recognizable, even in the dark room, but there was something off...something not right with what he was seeing.

"R-renji?" he whispered, breathlessly.

He felt Tetsuya stir, and started to get up, but a flash step sounded and Renji disappeared out the doors, leaving Byakuya staring. Tetsuya blinked in confusion as his eyes cleared and he followed the path of his cousin's gaze. He fell away as Byakuya surged to his feet and bolted out the garden doors, then launched off the bed and flash stepped after him.

"Byakuya!" he called, "Byakuya, where are you going?"

His cries roused the guards, who followed as Byakuya ran out of the gardens and towards the back gate. He burst through the gate and slid to a stop, his wide gray eyes searching the forest around him.

"Renji!" he panted, looking around.

Byakuya started to move, then stopped again as a swell of dizziness passed over him. For a moment, he felt sick to his stomach and his ears rang. But the feeling left him swiftly, and he turned his attention back to what he thought he might have seen.

_Or was it just stress and wishful thinking?_

He sensed Tetsuya's flash step, and felt a jolt of embarrassment as his cousin and the guards slid to a stop near him and observed him for a moment.

"Are you all right?" Tetsuya asked, breaking the awkward silence.

Byakuya looked back at them, suddenly registering how silly it seemed to think that Renji would come unannounced into Kuchiki Manor in the middle of the night...whatever the reason. It didn't make sense.

"I am fine," he assured them, "I...just had an odd dream. I...reacted before I was fully awake."

He glanced briefly at the concerned faces of the house guards.

"You may return to your posts," he said, calm retaking his voice.

Tetsuya remained at his side as the house guards walked away. He observed his cousin in silence, and was nearly startled when Byakuya suddenly spoke.

"Tetsuya, I must ask you something."

"Yes, Byakuya?"

"When you woke, did you...see anything? Anyone?"

"D-did I see anyone?" Tetsuya repeated, thinking carefully, "No, Cousin. I saw nothing...no one. I only saw you looking out the doorway, much as though you'd seen something. Why do you ask?"

Byakuya sighed softly.

"It was nothing," he said, dismissing the incident, "I was merely still seeing my dream as my eyes opened, and my senses were confused."

"What...who did you see?" asked Tetsuya, "I thought I heard you say Abarai-san's name."

Byakuya looked back at Tetsuya and shook his head.

"It was nothing," he assured his cousin, "just a dream. I don't know why I reacted like that."

"You were still half asleep," Tetsuya offered supportively, "Your mind wasn't clear, so you reacted on instinct. Considering everything, it's really quite understandable."

"Yes," Byakuya agreed, his eyes sweeping about the gardens, "You are right, of course. Come, Tetsuya."

Tetsuya followed the clan leader quietly back into the room and, looking back for a moment, closed the doors behind them.

XXXXXXXXXX

"Renji..." the hollow whispered, watching as the doors to the bedroom closed, "Abarai Renji, that was my name."

His clawed hand reached out and captured a pink sakura petal as it drifted down from the tree he stood next to. He breathed in the sweet scents of the gardens and felt the softness of that fragile petal against his skin. His eyes closed for a moment in memory.

_The paler man's hands stripped away the all too familiar barriers, the white haori, the long scarf and the white, fingerless gloves that always covered his too pretty hands. Renji grabbed one slender hand, feeling a heady jolt pass through him at the very fact of crossing the boundaries he was crossing. He would never have dared before to grab this man's naked hand, and to pleasure the tender skin beneath with hungry kisses, while his eyes watched the beautiful reactions on the man's lovely face. He released the soft hand and clenched the black shihakusho, pushing him back against the wall and bringing their mouths crashing together. The man moved easily with him, his pretty, gray eyes looking steadily into Renji's as the redhead sank deeply into his mouth and fed on the forbidden sweetness that had taunted him from across the room for as long as he could remember._

_He ached to tear away the last of the man's clothes, to strip him and make love to him there against the squad room wall, steps from where they spent their days filing reports and planning battle strategy._

_But he knew as the thought entered his mind, that it wasn't right. The man he held was not just some loose connection, not just another soon-to-be lover. He was a person of careful breeding, one who everyone treated with respect and deference. He might well dispense with the formality while in bed with him, but he wouldn't disrespect the man. The man's gray eyes looked back at him with complete trust. And it was that, which made Renji stop and capture a pale hand on his. He kissed the pretty fingertips and stepped back, then, still holding that surprisingly soft hand, led Byakuya into the taicho's quarters._

"Byakuya," Renji whispered, "Taicho."

The words felt as beautiful on his lips as the man looked. He understood then, that they had been lovers. He even began to remember how it felt to penetrate that pretty white exterior, to sink down deep into the man's body and to become one with him. He felt a soft, hungry ache in his loins and his mouth went suddenly dry. And he was forced to wonder if, in the end, he would be able to look into those pretty, trusting eyes and take the man's life.

_However, there is that other man to think about_, he considered, a feeling of anger rising as he recalled the younger man his lover had been kissing.

_Is that somehow why I died? Did he leave me for that other man?_

The hollow's eyes glowed brightly with hatred.

_I will make sure he dies after the beautiful one._

_Taicho._

_And…my treacherous taicho…perhaps I will take him sexually first...to punish him._

His awakened member hardened and leaked at the mere thought. But he remembered the look of shock in the man's eyes when he had awakened to find Renji in his room, looking down at him. He had seen something odd in Byakuya's eyes...something that felt like fear, like near terror.

Yes, something had been very wrong, but he wasn't sure what. And before he could approach the men and kill them, he needed to understand. So Renji secreted himself in the gardens and watched the closed bedroom doors steadily through the rest of the night. His eyes were watching closely when the younger man slipped out of the room and ran into the gardens, where he hid in the bushes for a few minutes, vomiting, before catching his breath and walking slowly back to the room and inside.

_You are lucky I have to kill him first_, the hollow mused, _or you would be dead at my feet, shinigami._


	3. Heartbeats

**Chapter 3: Heartbeats**

**(Okay, this is where the brand new version of this story really begins. This is an all new chapter. I really hope you enjoy it. Love to all, Spunky)**

Byakuya stood silently in the dressing area of his bedroom, his dark eyes looking sad and resigned as his attendant dressed him in his uniform, then combed his hair to a shine and placed the ornaments. He tried to ignore the heavy feeling of emptiness and the unnerving, sick feeling that seemed to come and go. As his attendant finished, the feeling overwhelmed him and he retreated into the bathroom for several minutes to expel the sickness.

"Byakuya-sama," the attendant said softly from the doorway, "shall I bring the healer? You are obviously unwell."

"Thank you, Torio," Byakuya said gratefully, "I need to gather myself before the ceremony."

Torio filled a small glass with water and handed it to the recovering clan leader, then he flash stepped away. Byakuya rinsed his mouth, then ran a dampened washcloth over his face. He walked back into the bedroom and sat down on the bed, where he breathed slowly, waiting for the nausea to pass.

_I am sure this is just an emotional reaction to losing Renji_ the clan leader chided himself, _I was emotional after losing Hisana too, although it did not manifest as such a physical discomfort as this. I wonder if it is because of the depth of what I was feeling. Truly, loving someone is a reckless act, isn't it?_

He looked up in surprise as Tetsuya entered his room alongside Urahara Kisuke and a worried looking Rukia.

"What is this?" he asked, "I did not send for a party of healers. I only asked for Michio to come."

"Now, don't be testy," Kisuke said good naturedly, "Ol' Michio was on his way, but I was closer and thought I'd step in to help him out. You really mind?"

"I suppose not," Byakuya said defeatedly, relaxing slightly, "as long as you did not bring that ridiculous cat woman with you."

"Aw now, that's not nice. You know, Yoruichi is pretty broken up over this. And all of Renji's friends from the living world are too. I uh…hope you don't mind that I brought them along with me."

"No," Byakuya said solemnly, "I would not deny them such closure in this situation. Renji's living world friends are welcome, of course."

He looked more closely at the shopkeeper.

"How is _he _coping?" the noble asked.

"Ichigo?" Kisuke asked, a sad look entering his eyes for a moment, "I suppose he's handling it as well as can be expected. He's slowly losing power, but he still has the reiatsu to be here, and I'm glad for that."

"Renji would be pleased at him being here," Byakuya mused, "Although the two did tend to clash verbally and occasionally physically, they shared a closeness in both being strong protectors of my sister. I am grateful for that."

Rukia blushed and dabbed at her eyes.

"I am grateful too," she added softly.

"But, getting down to business," Kisuke said, moving to Byakuya's side, "Let's have a look at you."

"It is probably just stress," Byakuya sighed resignedly, "That can cause physical effects, especially when it comes to the loss of a l—"

Byakuya broke off, earning curious looks from the others, but he recovered quickly and continued.

"When it comes to the loss of one who lived in such proximity to the one lost."

"You and Abarai-san were close because of your common battle to defeat Aizen Sousuke," Tetsuya acknowledged, "That, combined with the closeness you gained in both being Rukia's protectors makes this a harder loss."

"It does," Byakuya acknowledged.

"Hmm," Kisuke said as he scanned the noble's body with a handheld device, then took his vital signs, "everything mostly seems alright, but I am seeing a drop in your usual reiatsu strength."

"That is likely, as I said, from stress," Byakuya concluded.

"Yeah, probably," Kisuke agreed, "Have you had any other symptoms?"

"A bit of dizziness," Byakuya reported, "some food aversions and just a feeling of fatigue. But that also could be from stress."

"Yeah," the shopkeeper concurred, "it can be. Do you think you can eat something now?"

"But the service is about to begin," Byakuya objected.

"Yeah," Kisuke replied, "but you don't want your reiatsu to drop anymore, because you could pass out in the middle of the thing, and I don't think you want that."

"Hmm, no."

"So, eat a little bit, and after the ceremony, you should have Michio look you over again, all right? If you continue to have problems, there are some scans we can do in Karakura Town."

"I'm sure I am fine," Byakuya said shortly, "The stress will probably ease after this is over. Now, if you will excuse me, I need to finish getting ready."

"Sure thing," Kisuke chuckled as he and the others headed out the garden doors.

Kisuke touched Tetsuya on the shoulder, making the younger man pause and look at him curiously.

"Keep an eye on him, okay?" the shopkeeper requested, "It may be just stress, like he said, but you never know. I just have a funny feeling that something else is going on, though I can't put my finger on what. If he was a woman, I'd be suggesting a pregnancy test, but…"

"Urahara-san, that's rude," Rukia scolded him.

"Sorry," Kisuke snickered, "I just meant the nausea and dizziness and…"

"This is no time to be making stupid jokes," Rukia complained.

"I am sure that he didn't mean to be rude," Tetsuya said bracingly, "Perhaps it is his way of trying to comfort you."

"Yeah, that," Kisuke agreed.

Kisuke let out a sigh and the sadness returned to his face.

"Looks like we should be finding our places. C'mon."

Tetsuya watched as the others walked away, then he stood for a moment, looking at Byakuya's closed garden doors and frowning thoughtfully as the shopkeeper's words replayed themselves. His brow furrowed and he looked around, then he moved in the direction of the carefully protected door to the Kuchiki archive. He had almost reached it, when he heard a soft sniffing, coming from the gardens. He stepped onto the trail and followed the little sounds until he came upon a sagging figure sitting beneath one of the trees.

"Rikichi-san?" he said softly.

The young officer caught his breath in surprise and hastily stood, wiping his tears on his sleeve.

"S-sorry, Tetsuya-san," he apologized, "Is it time?"

"Just about," Tetsuya informed him.

"Ah, I'll uh…I'll be going then."

He started to turn away.

"Rikichi-san, is there…anything I can do?" Tetsuya asked kindly.

Rikichi froze with his back to Tetsuya.

"Not really," he answered, "I shouldn't be making a scene, crying like that when I'm just…just a…"

Tetsuya moved to the officer's side, following his gaze to where chairs had been placed to accommodate the crowd of people coming to honor the fallen sixth division fukutaicho.

"It's obvious that Renji touched your life in a profound way," he said, turning slightly to study the tattoo over Rikichi's eye, "It's not wrong for you to honor your connection this way."

Rikichi managed a tremulous smile.

"That sounds funny, coming from someone so close to Kuchiki taicho. I know that he doesn't approve of crying."

"Ah," Tetsuya sighed, "that is a standard that he holds himself to, however, I will confide in you that when I first arrived at Kuchiki Manor as a teen, after being freed from the noble's prison, it was Byakuya-sama who held me while I cried. He was very comforting, and not once did he chide me for showing weakness."

Rikichi blinked and turned to look more closely at Tetsuya.

"I heard about how you were a prisoner when you were a child. That must have been awful."

"It was very difficult," Tetsuya acknowledged, "but you did not have an easy life in the lower Rukongai either."

"No, not really," Rikichi agreed, "though I wasn't in a prison with bars or anything."

He sighed again and Tetsuya laid a hand on his shoulder as he continued.

"I have a little brother."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, Ryuunosuke. He's entering the thirteenth division soon. He's been in training at the academy. We were orphaned while Ryuu was still a baby, so I took care of him at first. It was a real struggle to survive, so I was at my wits end. I didn't know what to do. There were hollow attacks and awful people who tried to hurt us. We survived mostly by hiding and stealing food. We didn't know what else to do. But all of that changed one day when a group of shinigamis came to our town."

"Renji was among them?" Tetsuya asked.

"Mhmm," Rikichi confirmed, "I left Ryuu with a friend and I went out to watch them fight. And watching Renji fight was _amazing_. He was so very strong. I knew, watching him, that I wanted to be strong like him. They held a banquet in town after the shingamis killed the hollows, and everyone was able to go and have free food and drink there. Ryuu and I filled up on food, then we listened to the stories that the shingamis told. I learned that Renji wasn't always so strong. He too, was a child of the low Rukongai, but he was determined to get stronger…and he did. He grew so strong that he achieved bankai, and he is now an example to others like us, who are not noble, but who have noble hearts and want to be strong like him."

Rikichi closed his eyes and bowed his head as he continued.

"I was so inspired by him that I began to train as he said that he had. I worked hard and I finally qualified for the academy. The town elders were so proud that they wanted to do something for me, so I asked to receive their blessing to go to the academy and to have this marking to acknowledge the one who inspired me to grow so strong."

Tetsuya smiled.

"Renji-san was an inspiration to so many," he said quietly, "I know that my cousin came to appreciate Renji's great strength, but also his valiant heart."

Rikichi surprised Tetsuya with a little laugh.

"Renji could be stern, but it was usually when his subordinates were showing weakness. He was always getting after me because I have trouble managing hell butterflies."

"You do?" Tetsuya asked, his smile warming, "With me, it was trouble controlling the water and ice of my zanpakuto. I think I must have caused rain and drenched everything in my room about fifty times before I started to wield better control of my Reku-hime."

"You, Tetsuya-san?" Rikichi asked, looking surprised, "but I can feel how strong you are now."

"I too, had a wonderful mentor," Tetsuya explained, "After my release from the prison, Byakuya-sama trained me himself."

"But, I thought that the mixed bloods were…"

"Technically, I was not allowed to share in the heir's training," Tetsuya went on, "Upon my emancipation, Byakuya-sama took me as an attendant. A mere servant. But I soon found that he had only done so because it meant that I would be close to him. He then said that he was using me as a sparring partner, but in actuality, he was training me. The elders nearly fainted when we later went before them, and Byakuya-sama told them that, as I was now a family member wielding a bankai, I should be made his protector. The elders put me through a battery of tests, then the subfamilies each put forth a member to face me in combat."

"You had to fight your own family members?" Rikichi asked, his eyes widening.

"Yes," Tetsuya affirmed, "if I wanted to be Byakuya-sama's protector, then I had to prove myself. The battles weren't to the death, as such, but of course, it isn't unusual for one to die during the fights. Yet, I survived all of the battles and earned the right to protect Byakuya-sama directly."

"That's amazing," Rikichi said appreciatively, "I never knew you had to go through something like that."

He gave Tetsuya a warmer smile.

"Thank you, Tetsuya-san. It was kind of you to comfort me."

"Oh, it was nothing," Tetsuya said, blushing, "I just understand this is very hard for you."

"Yeah."

"Well," Tetsuya said, squeezing Rikichi's hand, "if all is well, I must take my place for the ceremony. If you wish, you can stand with me."

"Huh?" Rikichi mused, blinking in surprise, "But you…?"

"I will not be visible, but I will occupy a place close to Byakuya-sama near the front. I can simply use my waterform to shield you from sight too so that you can have a better view and some privacy during your mourning."

Rikichi's jaw dropped and he found himself speechless for a moment.

"Why would you do that for me?" he asked, when he finally found his voice again, "I'm just…"

"You are a part of Renji-san's legacy…one to whom he passed some of his strength, knowledge and ability, before leaving this world. You belong near him…whatever anyone would say. I think Renji-san, himself would approve."

Thank you, Tetsuya-san!" Rikichi sobbed, hugging the surprised mixed blood noble tightly.

The two young men froze at the close contact and a moment passed where they simply held each other and looked silently into each other's widened eyes. Rikichi wasn't sure what possessed him, but he leaned forward and touched his lips very lightly to Tetsuya's, then he flushed darkly and let the other young man go as he apologized profusely.

"S-sorry! I'm sorry! That was rude…and…and you've been so kind. I ah…I'll be fine watching from the regular viewing area. Sorry…ah…" he stammered.

"Come," Tetsuya chuckled, taking Rikichi's hand.

"But…?"

"Come, Rikichi-san," Tetsuya insisted, "It's time."

Tetsuya invoked his power, making the two of them fade from sight, and he led Rikichi to the very front of the gathering. They remained at the front and off to the side as Byakuya led the Kuchiki elders in a procession down the center aisle and they took their places. Rikichi watched the ceremony that followed, in breathless silence, his heart pounding and tears streaming freely down his face. He wasn't sure when Tetsuya's hand found his, but he was grateful for the comfort and for the protection from the other attendee's eyes as his heart broke at the intensity of the display taking place in front of him. By the time the service ended, he was barely on his feet and nearly unaware as Tetsuya led him to a guest room and held him quietly as he cried, then had an attendant come to dress him for bed and settle him down to sleep.

Out in the gardens, Byakuya stood, quiet and stoic, through all of the speeches, then delivered his own in a state of pure calm on the outside, though his heart was broken on the inside. He was aware of the presence of the officer from his division, who stood at Tetsuya's side throughout the ceremony, cloaked in his cousin's illusions as he cried softly on Renji's behalf.

_It does seem right that Rikichi is there. If anyone appreciates Renji's influence, that boy does. I am glad that Tetsuya noticed and acted thusly._

Byakuya held up his calm exterior through the rest of the ceremony and the gathering after, but he was relieved when the guests began to leave or to head for their guest rooms if they were spending the night. His heart aching, Byakuya left the gardens with Tetsuya following at a distance, and he stood at the top of the cliff, overlooking the waterfall and moonlit lake. He breathed slowly, trying not to feel the heaviness in his chest and the terrible loneliness of again having one he loved pass from life.

_I am glad that they celebrated him in the way he deserved. Renji was a truly gifted warrior. I only wish that…_

Byakuya paused, frowning as a scuffle seemed to erupt in the area behind him. He turned, and his eyes rounded as he spotted Tetsuya struggling with a tall, deathly pale, red-haired hollow. The hollow screeched and slashed at the attacking shinigami and blood exploded from Tetsuya's slender body as he collapsed onto the ground.

Byakuya's hand extended and he called Senbonzakura forth, then he flash stepped towards the hollow as it staggered back, staring, as though surprised at what it had done. The hollow's head turned and its tortured eyes collided with Byakuya's. Byakuya's feet stopped and he gasped in dismay.

"Renji!"

Loud voices rose up in the distance, and the sound seemed to spook the hollow, who disappeared into the trees. Byakuya started to follow, but was distracted as Rikichi's voice rose up among the others.

"Tetsuya-san!" Rikichi screamed.

Byakuya turned back and dropped to his knees beside his fallen cousin, cradling Tetsuya in his arms as Tetsuya fought for breath.

"D-don't tell them!" Tetsuya panted desperately, "B-byakuya-s-sama, don't!"

"What?" Byakuya asked, "But he is obviously a hollow now. I saw the hollow hole."

"I know," Tetsuya managed, blood leaking from between his lips, "B-but when I grabbed him…I…f-felt his heart beating!"


End file.
